"We Should Do Lunch" and Other Career Lies: How to Navigate Networking Lip Service
February 5, 2026
The Quick Answer:
In career advancement, there is a massive gap between politeness and partnership. Most "offers to help" are social lip service that never result in action. To grow your career, you must categorize your network into three distinct types and continue asking for what you need, regardless of the "flakes."
The Core Question:
Why do people offer career help they never intend to give, and how should I handle it?
The Direct Answer:
Networking "lip service" occurs because social convention prizes the appearance of helpfulness over the effort of execution. In the "busy-ness" culture of 2026, people often say "yes" to look supportive in the moment, but fail to deliver when the social high wears off. This creates a friction point for career growth where seekers feel discouraged. To move forward, you must accept that you cannot control the follow-through of others, but you can control your own persistence. High-level career advancement requires a thick skin toward empty offers and a laser focus on identifying the "Proactive Partners."
Key Takeaways:
The Politeness Trap: Vague offers like "let me know" are often social shields used to avoid a direct "no."
Ownership of the Ask: You are the CEO of your career; the responsibility to turn a "maybe" into a "yes" lies entirely with you.
The 5% Rule: Only about 5% of your network will be "Proactive Partners." Your goal is to find them, not fix the other 95%.
The High Cost of Empty Promises
We’ve all been there: a great conversation at a conference or a LinkedIn exchange ends with a hopeful, "I'd love to help—send me your resume!" You send it within the hour. Then... silence.
This isn't just annoying; it’s a psychological hurdle. When you're in a career transition, these empty promises feel like personal rejections. But understanding the Three Faces of Professional Help allows you to stop taking "lip service" personally and start treating it as data.
1. The Lip Service Giver (The "Social Hero")
These individuals want the "good feelings" of being a mentor without the "hard work" of being one. They offer vague, open-ended help ("We should do lunch") because it sounds good in the moment.
The Reality: They aren't malicious; they are just over-committed and under-disciplined.
Your Strategy: If they don't respond to your first specific follow-up, move on. Don't waste your "persistence capital" here.
2. The Passive Facilitator (The "Gatekeeper")
They are willing to help, but only if you lower the "activation energy" to zero. They’ll say, "If you see someone in my network you want to meet, let me know." * The Reality: This is a test. They want to see if you are organized and serious enough to do the legwork.
Your Strategy: Do exactly what they asked. Don't ask them "who should I meet?" Instead, send them a link to a specific person, a 2-sentence blurb they can copy-paste, and a clear reason why the intro matters.
3. The Proactive Partner (The "VIP")
These are the rare gems who stop what they are doing to open a door. They don't say "let me know"; they say, "I’m emailing John right now and CC’ing you." * The Reality: These people are your "Career Board of Directors."
Your Strategy: These relationships are reciprocal. Once they help you, your only job is to provide them with updates and eventually return the favor.
| The Persona | The Behavior | Your Strategy | The ROI |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Lip Service Giver | Offers vague help ("Let's do lunch") but never checks their calendar. | Low Investment: Thank them, but do not rely on their timeline. | Saves you emotional energy and false hope. |
| The Passive Facilitator | Offers "conditional" help ("Find someone in my network and let me know"). | High Effort: Do 100% of the legwork. Provide the link and the blurb. | Turns a "maybe" into a specific, actionable intro. |
| The Proactive Partner | Immediately makes an intro or referral without being prompted twice. | The VIP: Nurture for life. These are your "Board of Directors." | Rare 5% who actually change your career trajectory. |
Why You Must Never Stop Asking
There is a dangerous temptation to stop asking for help after a few "Lip Service" encounters. You start to feel like a "bother."
But here is the Executive Truth: If you stop asking, you aren't just avoiding the flakes—you are effectively closing the door on the 5% who would have helped you change your life. You cannot control the follow-through of others, but you can control your own Ask Velocity. In a competitive market, the person who asks 50 times and gets 2 "Yeses" will always outpace the person who asked twice and gave up.
FAQ: Navigating the "Lip Service" Culture
Q: How do I respond when someone says "we should do lunch" but never follows up? A: Take the lead immediately. Reply with: "I’d love that. I’m free next Tuesday or Thursday at 12:00—does either work for you?" This forces the transition from "vague idea" to "calendar event." If they still don't respond, you've successfully vetted them as a "Lip Service" giver and can stop wondering.
Q: Is it "needy" to follow up with someone who didn't reply to my first email? A: No. It's "persistent." A single follow-up 7 days later is standard professional practice. People get busy, emails get buried. If they don't reply to the second one, then let it go.
Q: How do I find more "Proactive Partners" and fewer "Lip Service" givers? A: Look for people who are already "source of truth" leaders in their field. They usually value time and efficiency. More importantly, be a Proactive Partner yourself. The law of reciprocity ensures that if you are known for opening doors, you will eventually find yourself in rooms with other door-openers.
Q: Does asking for help make me look weak to my superiors? A: On the contrary, the most successful leaders are those who know how to leverage their network. Asking for help is a sign of Strategic Intelligence. It shows you are focused on the result, not just your ego.